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Countdown to Feelings Contest Judging/Voting

Saturday, September 5th @ 3:00pm

Name of Image

Name of Image

Poll #4 - Art #1 

38%
3 deviants said Contest Entry-Hope by Convenient-Alias
25%
2 deviants said Feeling blue by wcqaguxa
13%
1 deviant said not like this by XXDEADFISHLAUGHXX
13%
1 deviant said Fernweh by Diluculi
13%
1 deviant said Take My Pain Away (Part 2) by frostykittyzem
0%
No deviants said Sinking by CallMeFarGone
0%
No deviants said Between Life and Death by SabesBabe
0%
No deviants said Anxiety and Me by angelcosmo
0%
No deviants said .:Entry:. Blinding Heart by BlackDawnGaming
0%
No deviants said Acrimony by DanielleMWilliams

Songs

Name of Image



I'll Be There by The Parlotones
"'ll, I'll, Still beauty, colourful,
These blossoms are up for bloom.
One promise is just like hearts,
its gets broken. But I'll try my hardest.
Even if you're rich,
Even if you're poor,
Every breath you breathe,
I'll be there for you.
Even if you're strong
Even if you're not
Every breath you breathe,
I'll be there for you.
Angelic, little princess,
I wanna wake up
To your face every morning
Another love song
A silly love song
But it's our song
And it's forever
Even if you're rich,
Even if you're poor,
Every breath you breathe,
I'll be there for you.
Even if you're strong
Even if you're not
Every breath you breathe,
I'll be there for you.
This song is forever
This song is forever
This song is forever
This song is forever
I'll, I'll, I'll be there for you.
Even if you're rich,
Even if you're poor,
Every breath you breathe,
I'll be there for you.
Even if you're strong
Even if you're not
Every breath you breathe,
I'll be there for you.
This song is forever
This song is forever
This song is forever
This song is forever"






Shine by Elvis Blue
Verse 1
This one’s for the dreamers
all the Believers
Lift your eyes to the rising sun
Sometimes we have to start again
Do you have to start again?

Wake up and you’re on your own
walking a lonely road
Nothing seems to be going right
you know you never give up the fight
Oh, don’t give up the fight

Chorus
I say, hey
If you’ve ever tried and failed
If you’ve ever lost your way
the sun will shine again

Hey
If you’re standing all alone
If you’re sinking like a stone
The sun will shine again

Verse 2
Let me hear you laugh again
why not let the colours in
We all have a story
and don’t you dare give up before it’s told
oh, just open up your soul
open up your soul

Chorus
I say, hey
if you’ve ever tried and failed
if you’ve ever lost your way
the sun will shine again

Hey
If you’re standing all alone
If you’re sinking like a stone
The sun will shine again






I Am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.







Bad Blood by Taylor Swift
'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey
Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey

Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted
Did you have to ruin what was shiny? Now it's all rusted
Did you have to hit me, where I'm weak? Baby, I couldn't breathe
And rub it in so deep, salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me

Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times, you and I

'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey
Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey

Did you think we'd be fine? Still got scars on my back from your knife
So don't think it's in the past, these kinda wounds they last and they last.
Now did you think it all through? All these things will catch up to you
And time can heal but this won't, so if you're coming my way, just don't

Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times, you and I

'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey
Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes
You say sorry just for show
If you live like that, you live with ghosts (ghosts)
Band-aids don't fix bullet holes (hey)
You say sorry just for show (hey)
If you live like that, you live with ghosts (hey)
If you love like that blood runs cold

'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love (mad love)
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey
Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them (think we can solve them)
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got bad blood
(Hey)

'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done (look what you've done)
'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey
Now we got problems
And I don't think we can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got bad blood
Hey







I Feel Good Today by Blackbyrd
Verse 1
Woke up today with your song ringing in my ear You know the one you gave me Another year's come and gone and we're still here No ordinary love

Pre chorus
Not just another sunrise Like a thousand times before And knowing you're beside It's worth a million times or more

Chorus
And I feel good today It's the way I always feel with you I feel good today And you make me wanna be Make me wanna be with you

Verse 2
When I think of you spring is in here in every way Oh oh baby you're incredible You sweep me off my feet every single day You know darling this is magical

Pre chorus
Not just another sunrise Like a thousand times before And knowing you're beside It's worth a million times or more

Chorus
And I feel good today It's the way I always feel with you I feel good today And you make me wanna be Make me wanna be with you There ain't no better feeling You got me believing Everything's gonna be ok Feels like nothing can break me Your loving it saved me Only you can make my day

Bridge/pre chorus repeat

Not just another sunrise Like a thousand times before And knowing you're beside It's worth a million times or more

Chorus
And I feel good today It's the way I always feel with you And I feel good today And you make me wanna be Make me wanna be with you There ain't no better feeling You got me believing Everything's gonna be ok Feels like nothing can break me Your loving it saved me Only you can make my day

Ad lib
And I feel good Only you can make my day Yeh yeh yeh Only you can make my day







Beautiful Child by Pauley Perrette
Beautiful child, beautiful child
Know you are loved somewhere out there beautiful child
Beautiful child, beautiful child
Know you are loved from Heaven above don’t be scared
Don’t leave us now, we know you don’t know how it’s gonna change
Don’t leave us now, I know it seems like things will rearrange

Beautiful child, beautiful child
Know you are loved somewhere out there beautiful child
Don’t hide away, your light inside it needs to shine,
Don’t go away you know you got so much to say

Beautiful child, beautiful child
Know you are loved somewhere out there beautiful child
When the nightmares keep going and the days are getting worse
When you feel your mind is blowing and your life seems like a curse
Just know (X3)
You are loved

Beautiful child, beautiful child
Know you are loved somewhere out there beautiful child
Beautiful child, beautiful child
Know you are loved from Heaven above don’t be scared

Don’t be scared

Don’t be scared (you are beautiful)
Don’t be scared (you are not alone)
Don’t be scared (You are beautiful)
Don’t be scared
Come now
Don’t be scared (You are beautiful)
Don’t be scared (You are not alone)
Don’t be scared (you are beautiful)
Don’t be scared
Come now
Don’t be scared (you are beautiful)
Don’t be scared (You are not alone)
Don’t be scared (You are beautiful)
Don’t be scared
Beautiful child







March On by Good Charlotte
"Don't cry, open up your eyes and know
There's someone else out there that feels this way

I'm singing to you
Cause I know what you've been through and now
It's not so long ago I felt the same

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

And I remember summer nights alone
The fireflies the only thing we own
Yeah, all we had were dreams of California
And I remember winters were so cold
Hunger was the only thing we know
And rock'n'roll dreamin' was what saved us

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Till we see the sun, march on, till we see the sun
Through the good times, through the bad times
Through the long days, through the hard nights
Keep on, till we see the sun

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Even when there's no one there for you march on
Even when the days are long for you march on
And like soldiers, march on"








Try by Colbie Caillat

"Put your make up on
Get your nails done
Curl your hair
Run the extra mile
Keep it slim
So they like you. Do they like you?

Get your sexy on
Don't be shy, girl
Take it off
This is what you want, to belong
So they like you. Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

Oh

Get your shopping on,
At the mall,
Max your credit cards
You don't have to choose,
Buy it all
So they like you. Do they like you?

Wait a second,
Why should you care, what they think of you
When you're all alone, by yourself
Do you like you? Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

No
Oh

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

Take your make up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
Cause I like you"





Found in the journal of Nichrysalis


Still Alive by Jonathan Coulton from Portal's end Credits

"This was a triumph!
I'm making a note here:
Huge success!

It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction.

Aperture Science:
We do what we must
because we can
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no sense crying
over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
'til you run out of cake.
And the science gets done.
And you make a neat gun
for the people who are
still alive.

I'm not even angry...
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart,
and killed me.

And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!

Now, these points of data
make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time!
So I'm GLaD I got burned!
Think of all the things we learned!
for the people who are
still alive.

Go ahead and leave me...
I think I'd prefer to stay inside...
Maybe you'll find someone else
to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa?
That was a joke. Ha Ha. Fat Chance!

Anyway this cake is great!
It's so delicious and moist!

Look at me: still talking
when there's science to do!
When I look out there,
it makes me glad I'm not you.

I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.
And believe me I am
still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm
still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm
still alive.
While you're dying I'll be
still alive.
And when you're dead I will be
still alive

Still alive.

Still alive."







Keep On by Blackbyrd
" Keep on
Keep believing
Keep on fighting
Keep holding on
Some day
You will find it
Don't look behind you
Just carry on

Forget about everybody
It's not about anybody
All you have to is draw your strength from all the love inside you...

Keep on
Keep it going
I see you're growing
You're getting stronger
Remember
Love will find you
So don't you look behind you anymore

You got to be strong in the night
(You've got to be strong)
Strong through the storm
(You've got to be strong)
Strong in the face of love when it won't keep you warm
You've got to be strong enough enough to keep on dreaming
(You've got to be strong)
Strong enough to fly
You've got to be strong
To give it another try
You've got to

Keep on
Keep on reaching
You're a fighter
You're getting stronger
Trust me
Love will find you
So don't you look behind you anymore

You got to be strong in the night
(You've got to be strong)
Strong through the storm
(You've got to be strong)
Strong in the face of love when it won't keep you warm
You've got to be strong enough enough to keep on dreaming
(You've got to be strong)
Strong enough to fly
You've got to be strong
To give it another try
You've got to

Keep on
Keep on smiling
Keep on counting
Your blessings all
Remember love will find you
So don't look behind you anymore
And don't you look behind you anymore"







Hold Your Head Up by Macklemore ft Xperience
Hold your head up, there's a light in the sky.
I know you're fed up, but you must try to survive.
Each moment's precious, don't let life pass you by-
Keep focused, keep your eyes on the prize.

A friend of mine once told me,
We have many paths in this journey.
They act in different directions
So when you question don't be worried,
It's not a wrong one-
Beauty can be found in all of them.

You'll meet people whose paths intersect
But you don't know how long you'll walk with them,
Cause' the truth is, and it's so hard, but you'll never know
How long we'll continue with our loved ones down this rugged road.
The path veers and it's clear that we must steer alone.
I've learned if you can't hold on to that moment that exists-
Let it go.

Cause' freedom is god.
Freedom is acknowledging the mask you have on
And possessing the strength to take it off.
Freedom is accepting every step of the path
And when it's hard having faith in the ability to embrace that
That's where you are,
And this is it.
The same shit that we work towards,
But go against in the same sense.

My friend hit me to some game and truth unravelled, she said
"The brighter the light, the darker the shadow",
And since I'm on cliche terms, knowing is half the battle.
But I don't know,
So I just go with what was destined.
Life can be a burden or a blessing,
The choice is yours to be connected.
It's there if you want it, you got it, now let it.

Hold your head up, there's a light in the sky.
I know you're fed up, but you must try to survive.
Each moment's precious, don't let life pass you by-
Keep focused, keep your eyes on the prize.

I feel like I have nothing to give right now,
This is my trial, tribulations, and it must go down,
But where's the up?
I'm stuck with the broken smile,
No jokin' now, wantin' to grab a swish and smoke this out.
The moment of a man choosing what path I will go down
Do I give in, give up, or get up and live right now?
With a split gut, pick myself up and spit my style,
This is the only thing that can holds my ground.
You're born into this world alone and alone you'll go out
All I have is myself and everyone else I doubt.
You can only trust yourself and depend on the help of the pound
Inside the chest that beats with the breath of the now.
No sunshine when she's gone, I can only see clouds.
No homies can hold me down, the spirit's testing me now
But I can withstand this world, but it seems so foul
Flood of emotions, it's like I'm being held down to drown.
Hell's right around the corner, but I can turn it around.
You always have a choice, no matter the situation, you're not bound,
To nothing, no one. You're chosen for this job,
This is your life, you can't escape this bitch when it's hard.
Just know that it passes, but you'll collect scars-
They never go away, but they will make you who you are.
This is a beautiful struggle, I share it in song cause'
I can't control this, remember: the moment's beyond us.

Hold your head up, there's a light in the sky.
I know you're fed up, but you must try to survive.
Each moment's precious, don't let life pass you by-
Keep focused, keep your eyes on the prize.







A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more







Naughty from Matilda the Musical
Jack and Jill, went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water, so they say
Their subsequent fall was inevitable
They never stood a chance, they were written that way
Innocent victims of their story!

Like Romeo and Juliet
T' was written in the stars before they even met
That love and fate, and a touch of stupidity
Would rob them of their hope of living happily
The endings are often a little bit gory
I wonder why they didn't just change their story?
We're told we have to do as we're told but surely
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty.

Just because you find that life's not fair it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
Nothing will change.

Even if you're little, you can do a lot, you
Mustn't let a little thing like, 'little' stop you
If you sit around and let them get on top, you
Might as well be saying
You think that it's ok
And that's not right!
And if it's not right!
You have to put it right

(Spoken)

Platinum blonde hair dye, extra strong.
Keep out of reach of children
Hmmm ....

Oil of violet hair tonic, for men
Yep!

(Sung)

In the slip of a bolt, there's a tiny revolt.
The seeds of a war in the creak of a floorboard.
A storm can begin, with the flap of a wing.
The tiniest mite packs the mightiest sting!
Every day, starts with the tick of a clock.
All escapes, starts with the click of a lock!
If you're stuck in your story and want to get out
You don't have to cry, you don't have to shout!

'Cause if you're little you can do a lot, you
Mustn't let a little thing like, 'little' stop you
If you sit around and let them get on top, you
Won't change a thing!

Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it!
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
You might as well be saying
You think that it's OK.
And that's not right!
And if it's not right!
You have to put it right!

But nobody else it gonna put it right for me!
Nobody but me is going to change my story!
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty!








Die Vampire Die
From the Musical Title of Show
Susan:
There are some people in the world who say that writing stories,
or composing music or dancing sparkly dances is easy for them.
Nothing interferes with their ability to create.
While I celebrate their creative freedom,
a little part of me just wants to punch those motherfuckers in the teeth.
This song, I sing this song for you guys and for all the rest of us. Help me out y’all
Backup:
We’ll sing backup
Susan:
You have a story to tell, a novel you keep in a drawer.
Backup:
Old sock drawer!
Susan:
You have a painting to paint, but you lazy like an old French whore
Backup:
Je suis whore
Susan:
You have a movie to make, Shrinky Dinks you can bake
but you best grab a stake, cause,
in sweep the vampires, in creep the vampires, knee deep in vampires,
Filling you with doubt. Insecurity, ‘bout what you art should be
in sweep the vampires
All:
Die vampire
Susan:
You sketched that turtle you saw in an ad on late-night cable TV
Backup:
Tippy Turtle!
Susan:
But your fourth grade teacher said
Female Backup:
You can’t draw
Susan:
Aww, those vampires just won’t let you be
Backup:
Fuck you Ms. Johnson, Word!
Susan:
And when they come run like hell, see those bats in your belfry, then call on Van Helsing.
Susan:
In swoosh
Backup:
Ooh, the vampires
Susan:
in a whoosh
Backup:
ooh, the vampires,
Susan:
Babaganoosh
Backup:
ooh, all the vampires
Susan:
Filling you with thoughts of
Backup:
Self consciousness
Susan:
Feelings of
Backup:
Worthlessness
Susan:
They’ll make you
Backup:
Second guess
Die vam-
All:
-pire!
There are so many vampires, inside, outside, and nationwide,
it helps to recognize them with this vampire hunting guide!
Listen closely,
a vampire is any person or thought or feeling
that stands between you and your creative self expression,
but they can assume many seductive forms.
Here’s a few of them!
Backup:
Tell us Susan!
Susan:
First up are you pigmy vampires.
They’ll swarm around you head like gnats and say things like:
Male Backup:
Your teeth need whitening
Female Backup:
You went to state school?
Male Backup:
You sound weird
All:
Shakespeare, Sondheim, Sedaris
Susan:
Did it before you and better than you, or they might say that you cannot
sing good enough to be in a musical, or they might say:
Backup:
Ooh, your song’s derivative,
Ooh, your song’s derivative,
Ooh, your song’s derivative,

Susan:
To keep that song from you! Just tell them:
Backup:
Die vampire, die!
Susan:
Brothers and sisters, next up is the air freshener vampire,
she might look like you mama, or your old fat-ass, fat aunt Fanny.
She smells something unpleasant in what you’re creating.
She’ll urge you to:
Backup:
(Spraying sound)
Susan:
It with some pine fresh smell ‘em ups.
The air freshener vampire doesn’t want you to write about
Backup:
bad language, blood, or blow jobs
Susan:
She wants you to clean it up and clean it out.
Which will leave your work toothless, gutless, and crotchless
but, you’ll be left with two tight paragraphs,
All kittens that your grandma would be so proud of.
You look at that air freshener vampire in her fat ass, fat old fuckin’ face and you say
All:
Morte Vampir Morte
Susan:
The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair.
It’ll wake you up at 4am to say things like:
Backup:
Who do you think you’re kidding?
You look like a fool.
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough
Susan:
Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform
and said these things, I’d think he was a mentally ill asshole,
but if the vampire inside my head says it,
It’s the voice of reason.
Backup:
You have a story to tell, pull your novel out of that sock drawer!
You have a painting to paint, you best paint it and then paint some more!

Susan:
Oh baby, you must escape and grab it by the nape of its neck, by the trachea
fuckin’ break it, go on drive a stake in,
Yeah there’s no mistaking, now you’re shake and bakin?
All:
Die, vampire
I said, ‘Die, vampire’
I said, ‘Now die vam-pi-re, die!’
All:
In fly the vampires, oh my the vampires, then die the vampires,
filling you with life, creativity, all that you heart should be, out go the vampires
Die vampire, die vampire, die vampire, die!






These two are the same song, just two different versions; the actual Disney song and the one from the soundtrack.

The Actual Disney Song:



Let it Go (From "Frozen")
By Idina Menzel
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in;
Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in,
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all

It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on

The cold never bothered me anyway!



From the Soundtrack:



Let it Go [Frozen Soundtrack]
By Demi Lovato
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.

Don't let them in, don't let them see,
Be the good girl you always had to be.
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.
Well, now they know.

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all.
Up here in the cold thin air I finally can breathe.
I know I left a life behind but I'm too relieved to grieve.

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand, and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

Standing frozen
In the life I've chosen.
You won't find me.
The past is all behind me
Buried in the snow.

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand, and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway, yeah, whoa
(Na na, na na, na na na na) [4x]
Let it go yeah
Na, na.
Here I stand.
Let it go, let it go, oh
Let it go.






Recently reheard and wanted to share.



Darkside
By Kelly Clarkson
Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away

Don't run away
Promise you'll stay







Found in a journal by LiliWrites



Better Days
By The Goo Goo Dolls
And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again







Been meaning to put up this one. Another great lyrical song.



Unconditionally
By Katy Perry
Oh no, did I get too close?
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through the storm I would
I do it all because I love you, I love you

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart

Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)
I will love you (unconditionally)
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally







Another old one that I was reminded of today (I found my iPod and put it on random).



Stand By Your Side
By Celine Dion
I cry and you comfort me
I'm lost and you hear my scream
So it's hard to watch you falling
When you run so deep in me
You live in me

Gonna stand by your side now
Let me kiss all your tears away
You can stay in my arms now
And I know I can make you believe again

I walk but you can run through fire
I search for reasons and baby you inspire
But I know somebody hurt you
And I know you really need a friend
Well you can take my hand

Gonna stand by your side now
Let me kiss all your tears away
You can stay in my arms now
And I know I can make you believe again

So when you're feeling like you can't go on
Don't you know
You never walk alone no
And you live in me

Gonna stand by your side now
Let me kiss all your tears away
You can stay in my arms now
And I know I can make you believe again

I'm gonna stand, stand by your side
Kiss all your tears away tonight
I'm gonna stand, stand by your side
Make you believe again
I wanna look in your eyes now and see you smiling again







There is a religious part but you can ignore that if you want to.



Someday
By JJ Heller
One day you'll feel the sun
Warming your callused skin
The ropes will come undone
No more wars left to win

Someday my dearest friend
Someday though I don't know when
Oooo you will live in peace.

Your battered heart will soar
Your wounds turned into wings
No one will keep the score
You wouldn't care anyway

Someday my dearest friend
Someday though I don't know when
Oooo you will live in peace.

May you see redemption
On this side of heaven
May you see redemption
On this side of heaven
May you see redemption
On this side of heaven
My friend

Someday my dearest friend
Someday though I don't know when
Oooo you will live

Someday my dearest friend
Someday though I don't know when
Oooo you will live in peace








Cheer Me Up
By Victorious Cast ft Victoria Justice
You get me out of my seat, it's like I've been in bed for a week
I've been slippin' n' slidin' all over the place, and nobody cares
And I'm such a disgrace
You get me out of my mood, that's something only you can do,
Cause I feel like I'm home when I'm in your arms
And that's why I need you to...

Cheer Me Up,
Come on dance with me,
And you take my hand.
Cheer Me Up
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer Me Up
Please won't you cheer me up
Even if were the only ones dancing

Give me a reason to smile, the kind that will last for a while,
Like only you know how, make it OK now,
You got your ways to make this girl's day
It's the magic that's in your touch; it makes everything mean so much...
The poetry in you eyes is enough in itself to take me to a high...
Whooo... (Take me to a high)
You Gotta Cheer Me Up...

Cheer Me Up,
Come on dance with me,
And you take my hand.
Cheer Me Up
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer Me Up
Please won’t you cheer me up
Even if were the only ones dancing

You turn my frown upside down,
My smile's lost 'n' found when you are around
(You Cheer Me Up, Cheer Me Up)
You turn my frown upside down,
My smile's lost 'n' found when you are around

Cheer Me Up,
Come on dance with me,
And you take my hand,
Cheer Me Up,
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer Me Up,
Please won’t you cheer me up
Even if we're the only ones dancing

Only you got the magic, only you got the key...to my heart
To my heart, yeah...yeah...Oh
Only you got the magic, only you got the way to my heart...

Cheer Me Up,
Come on dance with me,
And you take my hand,
Cheer Me Up,
Even if we're the only ones dancing
Cheer Me Up,
Please won’t you cheer me up
Even if we're the only ones dancing.







I Stand
By Idina Menzel
When you ask me, who I am:
What is my vision? And do I have a plan?
Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?
I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.

And I don't know
What tomorrow brings
The road less traveled
Will it set us free?
Cause we are taking it slow,
These tiny legacies.
I don't try and change the world;
But what will you make of me?

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.

With the slightest of breezes
We fall just like leaves
As the rain washes us from the ground
We forget who we are
We can't see in the dark
And we quickly get lost in the crowd

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.







Brave
By Idina Menzel
Don't know just where I'm going
And tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming
And the air is cold
And I'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction
For to long now
I've lost my own reflection
And I can't look down
If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

All along all I ever wanted, was to be the light
When your life was daunting
But I can't see mine
When I feel as though you're pushing me away
Well who's to blame, are we making the right choices
Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices
As we close the door even though we are so desperate to stay

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

And I might still cry
And I might still bleed
These thorns in my side
This heart on my sleeve
And lightening may strike
This ground at my feet
And I might still crash
But I still believe

This is the moment I stand here all alone
With everything I have inside, everything I own
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last time before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave








Let Me Go
By Avril Lavigne ft. Chad Kroeger
Love that once hung on the wall
Used to mean something, but now it means nothing
The echoes are gone in the hall
But I still remember, the pain of December

Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say
I'm sorry it's too late

[Chorus]
I'm breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I've said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

[Chad Kroeger]
You came back to find I was gone
And that place is empty, like the hole that was left in me
Like we were nothing at all
It's not what you meant to me
Thought we were meant to be

Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say
I'm sorry it's too late

[Chorus]
I'm breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I've said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

I let it go, and now I know
A brand new life, is down this road
And when it's right, you always know
So this time, I won't let go

There's only one thing left here to say
Love's never too late

[Chorus]
I've broken free from those memories
I've let it go, I've let it go
And two goodbyes, led to this new life
Don't let me go, don't let me go

Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go

Won't let you go, don't let me go
Won't let you go, don't let me go





What would happen if you took off your 'mask' and let the world see exactly what you are feeling?



See Beneath Your Beautiful
By Labrinth feat. Emeli Sandé
You tell all the boys "No"
Makes you feel good, yeah.
I know you're out of my league
But that won't scare me away, oh, no

You've carried on so long,
You couldn't stop if you tried it.
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it,
But I'm gonna try.

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?

You let all the girls go
Makes you feel good, don't it?
Behind your Broadway show
I heard a boy say, "Please, don't hurt me"

You've carried on so long
You couldn't stop if you tried it.
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it.
But I'm gonna try

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now, boy, take it off now, boy
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight, oh, tonight?

See beneath, see beneath,
I...
Tonight
I...

I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower
I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out
We'll be falling, falling but that's OK
'Cause I'll be right here
I just wanna know

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl (take it off now, boy,take it off now, boy)
'Cause I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight, oh, oh, oh, tonight?
See beneath your beautiful, oh, tonight.
We ain't perfect, we ain't perfect, no.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?








Roar
By Katy Perry
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...

Roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...








I Didn't Know My Own Strength
By Whitney Houston
Lost touch with my soul
I had nowhere to turn, I had nowhere to go
Lost sight of my dream
Thought it would be the end of me

I, I thought I'd never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to
I, I thought I would break

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn't know my own strength

Survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up, hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength

Found hope in my heart
I found the light to life my way out of the dark
Found all that I need here inside of me

Oh, I thought I'd never find my way
I thought I'd never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn't know my own strength

Survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up, hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength

There were so many times
I wondered how I'd get through the night
I thought I took all that I could take

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down and I tumbled, but I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
Oh, I didn't know my own strength

My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up, I hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength

I was not built to break, no, no
I got to know my own strength








The Call
By Matt Kennon
Today was gonna be the day
He'd already wrote the note
And parked that Chevrolet
At the end of that dead end road
Had his finger on the trigger; just about to end everything
He was taking one last long breathe; when he heard his cell phone ring

And his best friends say man where you been?
We're headed down to the lake this weekend
You better not miss it 'cause buddy I swear
It won't be the same If you ain't there
And I told that girl that you like so much
You were coming along and her eyes lit up
I better let you go man I really hope I didn't catch you in the middle of anything

He said you kinda did but I don't mind at all
I'm glad you called

In another town down the road
In the backseat of a car
Two 18 year olds had let a kiss go to far
He said how are we gonna have this child
When were both headed off to school?
He convinced her late one night there's only one thing to do
She was scared to death in that waiting room
When the nurse asked how far along are you
She said 5 weeks and just about then her phone lit up
And his call came in
Saying baby I was wrong about everything
I've already bought you a diamond ring we' re gonna start a life
Would you be my wife
Boy or girl; pink or blue; yeah either way
All she could say as she felt those tear drops falls was
I'm so glad you called

If someone you know is weighing on your mind
And needs a friend on the end of that other line
Don't hesitate what you say may seem so small
But who knows
They might be glad you called

So make the call

Yeah make that call





The music video is a bit weird, but the lyrics are the most important.



Brave
By: Sara Bareilles
You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you








Against The Night
By: Jason Webly
Hold on to these words,
I'd like to think that they may offer
Some protection,
Against the night.

Against the night,
Your life can feel transparent,
A reflection,
A trick of light.

So when sleep just won't come,
And you've got no occupation,
But nibbling at the fruit
Of the melancholy tree,
Just hold on to these words,
Hold on to me.

Just hold on to these words,
They're the best I've got to offer
At the moment,
As a lullaby.

As a lullaby,
You can lay down by the tracks
And feel the world
Slip by.







The Way You Wear Your Troubles
By: Eleanor McEvoy
The way you wear your troubles
I swear they gonna wear you to the bone

The way you wear your troubles
I swear they gonna wear you to the bone

Well I know you have to wear them
but you don't have to wear them alone

The cross on your shoulder
belongs to you and to nobody else

The cross on your shoulder
belongs to you and to nobody else

Well I know you have to bear it
But you don't have to bear it by yourself

The road that you're walking
Is long and grey and lonely and you wait

The road that you're walking
Is long and grey and lonely and you wait

Now wouldn't it be easier
If somebody was walking by your side




(Though personally I think her choice of music video is slightly weird, that doesn't detract from the lyrics or their meaning).



The Voice Within
By: Christina Aguilera
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall







I Am Amazing
By: Philippa Hanna
I don't want to waste anymore time in the mirror
Watching my face, never change I don't feel beautiful today
And I don't wanna waste
Anymore hard-earned cash on these 'miracles'
That never change the way I feel don't make me beautiful today
How long can I hide-away beneath this disguise?
And what drastic measure do I have to take to realise...

That I am amazing, in spite of what I can see,
When I look at myself wishing I could be anyone other than me
Cos I was created
With everything I could ever need
So I'm not gonna change
I'm gonna stay just the way God made me

I'm not gonna take
Anymore of these lies they've been feeding me
Not gonna listen to the voices of my enemies today
With my feet on solid ground
I'm gonna turn it all around
Because it's time I realised I'm truly beautiful inside
How long can I hide-away beneath this disguise?
And what drastic measure do I have to take to realise...

That I am amazing, in spite of what I can see,
When I look at myself wishing I could be anyone other than me
Cos I was created
With everything I could ever need
So I'm not gonna change
I'm gonna stay just the way God made me

And who am I to say that I could do a better job than him?

Cos we are amazing
If only we could believe that it's all in His hands
We're a part of a plan that's much bigger than us
Yes we are amazing
There's nothing we can't achieve
and we don't need to change
So I'm gonna stay, just the way God made me

Not gonna listen to the voices of my enemies today


About the Admins

Name of Image

:iconmagicaljoey:MagicalJoey
:bulletblue: She suffers from Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar Mood Disorder.
:bulletblue: She was wrongly diagnosed as Schizophrenic and given the wrong medication for over a year.
:bulletblue: She has experience with self-harm
:bulletblue: She has experience with suicidal thoughts, feelings and attempts.
:bulletblue: She has minor experience with Bulimia, Anorexia, and binge eating.
:bulletblue: She has suffered from a miscarriage.
:bulletblue: She has experience with family members with Dementia or Alzheimers.
:bulletblue: She has experience with family members with Social Phobia.
:bulletblue: She has experience with minor panic attacks.
:bulletblue: She has experience with mild OCD.
:bulletblue: She has PCOS (Poly-Cystic-Ovarian-Syndrome)
:bulletblue: She has experience with both Insomnia and Over-sleeping.
:bulletblue: You can note her if you need to talk.

:icondiluculi:Diluculi
:bulletpurple: She has managed to overcome Depression.
:bulletpurple: She befriends people suffering from severe Mental Illnesses as well as Depression.
:bulletpurple: She has personal experience with suicidal thoughts and dealing with suicidal people.
:bulletpurple: You can note her if you need to talk.

:icondarlingangel0565:DarlingAngel0565 (Currently Away)
:bulletpink: She suffers from severe Depression
:bulletpink: She has experience with physical and mental abuse.
:bulletpink: She has experience with self harm
:bulletpink: She has experience with suicidal thoughts, tendencies and attempts.
:bulletpink: She has experience with sexual assault and rape.
:bulletpink: She suffers from night terrors.
:bulletpink: She suffers from Insomnia
:bulletpink: She suffers from Anxiety and Panic attacks
:bulletpink: You can note her if you need to talk.

:iconqwibes: qwibes
:bulletgreen: She suffers from depression, borderline personality disorder and anxiety.
:bulletgreen: She has experience with physical and mental abuse.
:bulletgreen: She had experience with sexual assault and bullying.
:bulletgreen: She has experience with issues dealing with sexuality.
:bulletgreen: She has experience with self-harm.
:bulletgreen: She has experience with panic attacks.
:bulletgreen: She has personal experience with suicidal thoughts/tendencies and dealing with suicidal people.
:bulletgreen: She befriends people suffering from severe Mental Illnesses, self-harm and/or Depression.
:bulletgreen: She has experience with Insomnia.
:bulletgreen: You can note her if you need to talk.

You-R Heard - Volume #1

Wed Aug 26, 2015, 5:24 PM by MagicalJoey:iconmagicaljoey:
Name of Image

:tighthug: Our "Creed" :tighthug:

Hello, you've reached a quiet place, a place where you can bare your heart or simply share your soul. We are all like you - problems and pain haunt and hurt us as they do you. We don't all have the same things that consume us, but still we understand your ghosts and the trouble you face daily hurt you deeply, as ours do to us. We know pain. We try help you face it. If you remember one thing about this place, remember this: No matter what you are living or have lived through, you are accepted.
YOU. ARE. ACCEPTED


I have long since wanted a platform for you to tell your stories - what illnesses do you face daily? How do you cope? How do you feel? Do you feel? (I often don't). This is a platform for such stories. If you wish to share your journey with any mental, or even physical illness, note the group and give us a brief summary of what you have to share. We will get back to you, probably make a roster of sorts. But without further ado, here's the first in a (randomly updated) series for 'You-R Heard'.



From Farand

Green pine trees, cranes and turtles…
You must tell a story of your hard times,
And laugh twice.
— From Oiwai-Ondo

On 30 June 2015 I was diagnosed with Avoidant [Anxious] Personality Disorder:

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder grow up with excessive social anxiety and withdrawal. They have a longstanding pattern of shyness, feelings of inferiority, and hypersensitivity to rejection/embarrassment. The core features of this disorder are: (1) negative emotion (anxiousness (fear of rejection/embarrassment)), and (2) detachment (withdrawal, intimacy avoidance, and anhedonia [decreased ability to feel pleasure]). This disorder is only diagnosed if: (1) it begins no later than early adulthood, (2) these behaviors occur at home, work, and in the community, and (3) these behaviors lead to clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Source: http://mentalhealth.com/home/dx/avoidantpersonality.html

As the god Brilliantine says in Halldór Laxness's The Atom Station: 'I have always known that I was different from others.' Growing up, I had an overbearing mother, and was given over to thought. I thought so much that I was unable to take the fact of my own existence for granted, and was astonished that others apparently could. It is frightening indeed not to feel that one stands on firm existential foundations. How could others be so carefree, I wondered, and I so unhappy?

At this point it might help you to understand what I'm getting at if I share with you my first memory.

For Christmas Day 1991 or 1992 — I would have been four or five years old — my mother had bought me a yellow playhouse and some crayons, as well as a few other gifts. I was delighted. I went into the playhouse and drew on its walls with the crayons. My mother, discovering my handiwork, told me off. I couldn't understand why: after all, the playhouse was mine, the crayons were mine, and my action was causing nobody any harm — so where was the problem? At once, I felt two things: the first was that life was unfair; the second was that, far from being related to my mother, my only true relations were criminals — that is to say, others who had 'done naughty things'.

It's difficult to express just how significant this event has been on my life. The closest I can come is to say that I felt at the time like how I imagine Adam felt when he was ejected from Paradise. It was as though my psyche had been escorted out of Paradise by two grim-faced angels of truth. From that moment on, just like Adam, I was guilty.

This guilt manifested itself for the first time, as far as I can recall, at school. I didn't make friends very easily — feeling guilty, I felt unlikable. I regarded myself as a fraud, a sham. When, for example, a teacher paid me a compliment, I felt supremely uncomfortable because I felt that others were more deserving and that I had been complimented out of error. Yet I felt even more uncomfortable when criticised, for this intensified my feelings of guilt and confirmed my unhappy opinion of myself. Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder are extremely sensitive to criticism.

I found two people to hang around with at school; and while I did consider them my friends, I was aware that I was the outsider. They preferred each other's company to mine. At school, if a teacher told his or her students to pair up for a project, my friends would pair up with one another — and I felt as though some ghastly spotlight had been cast on me. I saw myself as I imagined others saw me: 'Jimmy's so stupid and unappealing! Even his own friends can't stand him. And now they've abandoned him.' If someone offered to pair up with me, I felt they were only doing so out of some sense of duty [what this duty might have been, I couldn't say], and I felt humiliated.

I don't suppose it helped that my two friends lived near one another, and I further away. My mother wouldn't allow me to socialise with them because, for reasons she never made clear, she didn't care for their families. I was frequently at a loss for words with her — feeling like an object under her keen gaze, I never knew what I could say to her that she would find novel or interesting. And so I never voiced my objections; I internalised them.

Painfully shy, I spent a lot of time alone in my bedroom watching television, playing computer games, and reading books — all the while 'gripped by a premonition of setting sail', as Arthur Rimbaud said. People with Avoidant Personality Disorder are prone to seeking refuge in fantasy worlds. As Friedrich Hölderlin put it in An die Hoffnung: 'O thou, daughter of the ether, appear to me from your father's gardens, and if you may not promise me mortal happiness, then frighten, O frighten my heart with something else.' I had painted for myself a golden future — I would be happy and confident, and have many friends. All I had to do was endure the present.

To do so, I would astral project myself into this golden future, cheat time, reassure myself that the unhappiness and loneliness I felt from thinking myself incapable of social intercourse would indeed pass away. When I lacked sufficient imagination to perform this trick, I would turn instead to books. Just as Alyosha Karamazov found sanctuary in a monastery, I found sanctuary in novels.

The Karamazovs became my friends, and Brilliantine, and many other literary characters. I was paralysed by doubt and self-hatred: real life was anxiety-provoking, social interaction dubious, guilt persistent, and the threat of meeting with the disapproval of others a constant possibility. But characters in novels got things done. Novels promised comfortingly safe certainties. Even if they suffered, the characters would, generally speaking, turn out all right. I sometimes regretted that I didn't exist only in print.

Things remained the same throughout college. And in my first year at university, I happened to be walking past one of the halls of residence when someone on the ground floor poked her head out of the window and started talking to me. Some of her friends were there, about seven or eight, men and women. She appeared very fond of me, as did her friends. I don't recall our conversation; but I do remember that we chatted for quite a long time, that she invited me in for coffee — and that I felt panicky. But I was skilled at hiding it.

[To expand on this point a little: Some people with anxiety disorders appear aloof and become withdrawn in social situations. But others, like myself, assume an air of confidence. I have often been told that I come across eloquently, intelligently, and confidently. Yet I have the persistent belief that I come across as 'the village idiot'. People with Avoidant Personality Disorder believe they're inferior to others, and strongly dislike themselves.]

I declined her kind offer, claiming to be busy; she suggested another time. Her friends encouraged me to accept, and I agreed. But I never returned. I had managed to convince myself that they were only being nice out of duty; and besides, had I not declined the offer to have coffee the first time? They would surely think: 'He's only here because he feels he has to be.' People with Avoidant Personality Disorder fear embarrassment, and they often withdraw from social events, even when they have no good reason not to: they will fabricate reasons, sometimes extremely far-fetched ones, in order to justify not making a commitment. Whether they read books or not, they crave, on some level, the comfortingly safe certainties of novels.

I had to withdraw from university because I had a breakdown. I became severely depressed [Avoidant Personality Disorder and depression have a high comorbidity], and isolated myself even more. I felt like Lord Lowborough in Anne Brontë's The Tenant of Wildfell Hall when he says: 'What you see in life I don't know — I see only the blackness of darkness.' So much for that golden future I had painted for myself!

I was hospitalised in May 2015 [I've written about that here]; and now I've received a diagnosis, I believe the present can be golden — and I've learned the present is what matters. Painting a golden future is a futile endeavour; for while one does it, the present, with all its opportunities for change, passes one by.

Simone de Beauvoir said in Force of Circumstance: 'Self-knowledge is no guarantee of happiness, but it is on the side of happiness, and can supply the courage to fight for it.' I have always chosen unhappiness over happiness; but now, armed with self-knowledge, I choose happiness over unhappiness. Behavioural change is difficult; and fears and doubts are powerful and persuasive — but they are neither invincible nor immortal. Why should unhappiness be my default? Why not happiness? I shall persevere. As Soichiro Honda put it: 'Nothing that was worth doing was ever easy.'



Farand was institutionalised before a diagnoses was able to be made. Often professionals have to 'put you away' to fully allow them to focus on you - I know when I was an 'inmate' of a psychiatric ward I was able to see the doctor as often as he came, there were trained nursing staff I could talk to when my doctor wasn't there and, ultimately, there was kindness for a fragile mind. I have yet to write my own story, as I have many, but Farand 's Notes on a Psychiatric Ward follow here (in case the link bums out)



John Forbes Nash, Jr., was one of the recipients of the 1994 Nobel Prize in Economics — but he nearly wasn't: the Nobel selection body had expressed concerns that he might embarrass them.

Mr Nash was a paranoid schizophrenic. His illness had led him to believe, among other things, that he had been charged with creating a new world government that would lead to his being crowned Emperor of Antarctica.

Some people might call such a belief mad. Mr Nash himself, acknowledging what he had been through, said: 'My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional — and back.'

The same might be said of my own quest.

After a long and interesting life, Mr Nash, along with his wife, died suddenly and needlessly in an automobile accident. I was on a psychiatric ward at the time.

The point of these brief, loosely-structured notes is to speak a little about some of my fellow patients, and to illuminate the often obscured truth that people with a mental illness are not embarrassing, as the Nobel selection body thought, but 'single individuals', as Søren Kierkegaard would have called them. But first, a few remarks about how I ended up on the ward.

In 2013, I suffered a rapid decline in my mental health. I stopped maintaining my personal hygiene, and wore the same jumper and pair of trousers without ever changing or washing them.

It is difficult to explain my reasons for doing this; indeed, the very word, 'reasons', suggests that rational motivations lay behind my behaviour — but this wasn't the case.

Any meaning with which I tried to furnish my existence plummeted quickly down a yawning, bottomless abyss, whose name was Futility.

I was gripped by a paranoid delusion in which several close friends of mine on DeviantArt were trying to humiliate me. When one of these friends received the Deviousness Award, I misinterpreted this as a personal slight.

I felt like I was sleepwalking through my existence; and I was restless from bad dreams.

I wanted to die; only, it seemed like the Angel of Death was standing passively by, arms folded, calmly watching as my sense of reality unraveled.

I watched television, and became catatonic. Time simultaneously froze and fast-forwarded. Days passed; nights passed. And I came to understand that, in Hell, one undergoes the same day ceaselessly. Sisyphus's case isn't exceptional.

I underwent the same day for two years. Then one day, I received a letter informing me I was to be visited at home by a representative of the Department for Work and Pensions to discuss a benefit I was claiming.

I greeted the representative wearing rotting clothes. With tears streaming down my dirty face, I told her, with all the clarity and emphasis I could manage, that I couldn't cope. She said she would put me in touch with a mental health team.

Several days later, on 15.05.15, the mental health team came to visit; but I didn't answer the door. They telephoned the fire service, who forced the lock on my door in order to gain entry into my house.

I was in bed: I was woken up. I was upset, because I thought I was hallucinating. A doctor was sent for, and I was taken to the ward.

On being admitted, I saw a genial young man whom I'll call Dr Roberts. [All names have been changed.] I sketched for him, as above, the outlines of my existential experience. Stanza IV of Robert Browning's Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came summarises with haunting precision how I felt:

For, what with my whole world-wide wandering,
What with my search drawn out thro' years, my hope
Dwindled into a ghost not fit to cope
With that obstreperous joy success would bring,
I hardly tried now to rebuke the spring
My heart made, finding failure in its scope.

After being examined, I was shown to what would be my home for the next seven weeks — Room 18.

I didn't leave my room for the first three weeks, because I was highly anxious. I ate my meals alone, rather than at the dining tables with the other patients. I occasionally lost my temper, because I felt like I wasn't understood; and I was sectioned under Section II of the Mental Health Act [which authorises one's detention in hospital for up to 28 days].

With the support of an occupational therapist, I gradually spent more time out of my room. And I ended up spending a lot of time with my fellow patients.

The first patient I met was twenty-three years old. He had thick, dark hair tousled into long curls, and intense, green eyes. He put me in mind of a nineteenth-century poet: I don't think he would have seemed out of place sat beneath an oak tree, writing melancholy odes about a girl he used to love.

He approached me one afternoon as I was standing outside my room. With a wide grin on his beautiful face, he said: 'Hi. I'm Ryan.' He asked me whether I was going to go into the lounge area to watch television. When I replied that I was feeling anxious, he put an arm around my shoulders, put his face close to mine, and said: 'Don't worry. I won't let anyone do anything bad to you.'

Ryan had schizophrenia. He heard six or seven different voices. He told me about conversations he had had with Satan, and with 'a skinny guy' named Tyler. Ryan would occasionally touch my bottom whenever he was in one of his 'gay moods', and even pretended to make love to me several times. Once, I gave him a foot massage.

He liked to listen to the radio; and often, in between singing along to the songs, he would address Satan under his breath: 'I'm [insert full name here], and I'm not going to give you my soul.' Once I heard him say: 'Tyler's in trouble; he's going to die.'

I sometimes wondered, as I drifted off to sleep, how someone who inhabited such a terrifying mental universe could be so upbeat.

There were several schizophrenics on the ward, none of whom I got to know so well; though, I did have a brief conversation with one of them, Johnny. He told me that within each of us there reside many devils, which make us behave immorally. He asked me whether I believed in them: when I told him I didn't, he blamed my scepticism on their influence.

I met a talented writer named Tommy — who looked a great deal like Ryan, though he was no relation. I never learned why he was on the ward. [I never asked anyone why they were there: that was their business, not mine.]

We spoke a great deal about poetry. I recited a bit of John Keats to him [note: during those first three weeks, I memorised Ode on a Grecian Urn and Ode to a Nightingale]; and he was struck by the beauty of the language:

Darkling, I listen; and, for many a time,
I have been half in love with easeful Death;
Call'd Him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath.
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain:
To thy high requiem become a sod.

He had filled several notebooks with his own poems, and made me a gift of one. I suggested that he create a DeviantArt account; but he thought his poems unworthy of a large audience.

I struck up a close friendship with a deeply depressed man named Jude. He was 6'3, and his kind, boyish face made him seem a decade younger than his thirty-four years. Jude was a creationist; and as creationists don't, generally speaking, possess a reputation for being tolerant of homosexual, feminist, agnostic atheists [of which I am one], you might be surprised that I was so very fond of him.

But that soft-spoken man had an appreciation for Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins, and wanted to know more about Charles Darwin. Not only that, but he was deeply troubled by the Problem of Evil [crudely stated: how can an omnipotent and omnibenevolent God allow suffering?].

The prophet Muhammad said: 'The greatest of wealth is the richness of the soul.' And Jude was wealthy indeed. His tremendous good character, and intellectual honesty, could serve as a lesson to anyone.

The last patient I'm going to talk about was a determined-looking man named Robert, who was also depressed. He had a fiancée and a baby son. Like a number of the other patients, he was very upbeat. You might never have guessed that he had tried to kill himself.

When I think of him — which I often do; and of the other patients as well — I'm reminded of what the Eskimo Qaqortingneq said to Knud Rasmussen:

'Oh! You strangers only see us happy and free of care. But if you knew the horrors we often have to live through, you would understand too why we are so fond of laughing, why we love food and song and dancing.'

One day, Robert was allowed overnight leave. He returned earlier than expected because he had made another attempt on his life. He was discharged not long after this. Just before he left, another patient touched him on the arm and said: 'Don't kill yourself. Remember your love for your little boy.'

As I didn't get to know the other patients very well, I shall end my narrative here.



To end off, Farand says the following:
"Halldór Laxness's novel 'The Atom Station' helped me a lot during this time. Its characters are charming, and the author paints such a beautiful picture of his home country, Iceland."
As well as:
"This helped me to deal with my diagnosis, because it seemed to summarise how I felt so perfectly - indescribable, you must listen to understand:"



Name of Image

Name of Image

:tighthug: Our "Creed" :tighthug:

Hello, you've reached a quiet place, a place where you can bare your heart or simply share your soul. We are all like you - problems and pain haunt and hurt us as they do you. We don't all have the same things that consume us, but still we understand your ghosts and the trouble you face daily hurt you deeply, as ours do to us. We know pain. We try help you face it. If you remember one thing about this place, remember this: No matter what you are living or have lived through, you are accepted.
YOU. ARE. ACCEPTED

:new: I have changed the voting system slightly. I will have THREE polls per art/lit (I need at least two each to get all entries in). The third poll in each will take the top three from polls 1 & 2 and poll them to get the final top three to award the extra marks. This means that the winners announcement will only happen in September and not on August 31st as planned.



Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Welcome to Understood-Accepted's


Name of Image

happy by roaryseaExcited Cactus by funymonySad by NecktiePom

Judgement Week is Now Upon Us



Name of Image

and with it

Voting Week



Name of Image

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki


The concept of this contest was stolen from Amarantheans , who held the "Awareness of the Arts, Visualize Our Dreams" contest earlier this year. I liked the idea of pairing up visual and literature artists so much that I want to do something similar in this group, just with a different theme. You have successfully submitted your entries, and so I hear you asking 'what now Jo, what now?'

Well, glad you asked.

Now it is 'Judgement Week' as well as 'Voting Week'. What this means is that you, yes you (and your friends/watchers/fanDAmily) get a chance to vote on your favourite lit and art pieces in a series of polls held at this group - so all of you who want votes get your friends to come and vote for you. Voting will last one week, or until all the judges scores are in, but each poll will only be up for two days. Top three voted images and lit pieces will get extra points added to their total.

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Timeline


:bulletgreen: Signup Time -:- July 4th - July 24th
:bulletpink: Writing and Submission Time -:- July 25th - August 23rd
:bulletgreen: Judging and Voting Time -:- August 24th - August 30th
:bulletpink: Winners Announced -:- August 31st Roughly September 5th or 6th depending on polls
NOTE: Times may be extended, but you will be notified if they are.

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Rules


:bulletred: One entry per person per pair please.
:bulletorange: Literature can be poetry or prose:
MAX 2500 words for prose and 50 lines for poetry.
MIN 300 words for prose and 3 lines for poetry.

:bulletyellow: Art works can be any form:
There is no MAX or MIN size for artworks, but please keep them reasonable.

:bulletgreen: Please keep mature content to a minimum as there are some younger people involved.
:bulletblue: Please place trigger warnings if needed.
:bulletpurple: In your artist's comments include:
That it is for Understood-Accepted 's "Feelings Contest"
A link to this journal
A link to your partner's piece (just in case either of you get lost)

:bulletpink: Please title your works the same per pairing. Please try make titles interesting too.
:bulletblack: This contest is open to all of deviantART, I am just choosing to host it through this group. So encourage your friends to signup. This will only work if we get enough pairings.
:bulletpink: Submit to the Feelings Contest 2015 folder.
:bulletpurple: New submissions specifically for this contest please.
:bulletblue: Please abide by deviantART's rules.
:bulletgreen: Please stick to the timeline. There will be a countdown box to help you remember, as the times are GMT +2 (my time).
:bulletyellow: Judges may not enter.
:bulletorange: You may donate, promote and enter all at once.
:bulletred: You may still continue to signup as we move into submission time, up to a point I will pre-determine.
:bulletorange: You may start working on your entries as soon as you are signed up but may only begin to enter them during submission time.
Rules may be edited, you will be informed if so.

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Judges


Your judges will be:
:iconqwibes: ( qwibes )
:iconmagicaljoey: ( MagicalJoey )
:iconmedoriko: ( Medoriko )
:iconthemaideninblack: ( TheMaidenInBlack )
:iconthegalleryofeve: ( TheGalleryOfEve )
:icontiganusi: ( tiganusi )
:iconcandyfied: ( Candyfied )
:iconshackledmuse: ( ShackledMuse )

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Criteria


Literature:
:bulletwhite: Follows Rules (1-5 points)
:bulletwhite: Grammar and Spelling (1-5 points)
:bulletwhite: Difficulty (1-10 points)
:bulletwhite: Originality (1-5 points)

Art:
:bulletwhite: Follows Rules (1-5 points)
:bulletwhite: Difficulty (1-10 points)
:bulletwhite: Use of Technique (1-5 points)
:bulletwhite: Originality (1-5 points)

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Prizes


Name of Image


:bulletblue: Prizes will distributed to each winner, or, where needed, split between the pairing.

:icon1st1plz::icon1st2plz::icon1st3plz::icon1st4plz:
:bulletyellow: Llamas from: MagicalJoey ; Diluculi ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; brodskales ; TheGalleryOfEve ; vespera ; Candyfied ; Operia ; EstefaniaJaquier ; frostykittyzem ; ShackledMuse
:bulletyellow: Features from: MagicalJoey ; Understood-Accepted ; My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink ; Diluculi ; Medoriko ; TheWritersMeow ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; LiliWrites ; Poetic-State-Of-Mind ; HugQueen ; TheGalleryOfEve ; DynamiteHearts ; Candyfied ; EstefaniaJaquier ; saiun ; Dr-Vergissmeinnicht ; KnightsOfRomance ; ShackledMuse
:bulletyellow: 20 :points: per person from: Diluculi ; MagicalJoey ;
:bulletyellow: 100 :points: per person from: BeccaJS c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletyellow: A large chibi from: Amarantheans
:bulletyellow: A traditional sketch from: DynamiteHearts
:bulletyellow: 500 :points: per person from: shehrozeameen c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletyellow: 100 :points: per person from: Memnalar c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletyellow: Custom poem request per person from: lulu-illussions
:bulletyellow: 250 :points: per person from: LMW-The-Poet c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletyellow: 150 :points: per person from: nightshade-keyblade c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletyellow: Full digital painting (up to three characters) from: wcqaguxa
:bulletyellow: Digital drawing, coloured, no background from: frostykittyzem
:bulletyellow: 10 :points: per person from: ShackledMuse

:icon2nd1plz::icon2nd2plz::icon2nd3plz::icon2nd4plz:
:bulletblack: Llamas from: MagicalJoey ; Diluculi ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; brodskales ; TheGalleryOfEve ; vespera ; Candyfied ; Operia ; EstefaniaJaquier ; frostykittyzem ; ShackledMuse
:bulletblack: Features from: MagicalJoey ; Understood-Accepted ; My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink ; Diluculi ; Medoriko ; TheWritersMeow ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; Poetic-State-Of-Mind ; HugQueen ; TheGalleryOfEve ; DynamiteHearts ; Candyfied ; EstefaniaJaquier ; saiun ; Dr-Vergissmeinnicht ; KnightsOfRomance ; ShackledMuse
:bulletblack: 15 :points: per person from: Diluculi ; MagicalJoey ;
:bulletblack: 50 :points: per person from: BeccaJS c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblack: A small chibi from: Amarantheans
:bulletblack: 300 :points: per person from: shehrozeameen c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblack: 50 :points: per person from: Memnalar c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblack: 150 :points: per person from: LMW-The-Poet c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblack: 75 :points: per person from: nightshade-keyblade c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblack: Full traditional painting (up to three characters) from: wcqaguxa
:bulletblack: Pen/pencil drawing, coloured, no background from: frostykittyzem

:icon3rd1plz::icon3rd2plz::icon3rd3plz::icon3rd4plz:
:bulletred: Llamas from:MagicalJoey ; Diluculi ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; brodskales ; TheGalleryOfEve ; vespera ; Candyfied ; Operia ; EstefaniaJaquier ; frostykittyzem ; ShackledMuse
:bulletred: Features from: MagicalJoey ; Understood-Accepted ; My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink ; Diluculi ; Medoriko ; TheWritersMeow ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; Poetic-State-Of-Mind ; HugQueen ; TheGalleryOfEve ; DynamiteHearts ; Candyfied ; EstefaniaJaquier ; saiun ; Dr-Vergissmeinnicht ; KnightsOfRomance ; ShackledMuse
:bulletred: 10 :points: per person from: Diluculi ; MagicalJoey ;
:bulletred: 30 :points: per person from: BeccaJS c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletred: A 50x50 gif from: Amarantheans
:bulletred: 150 :points: per person from: shehrozeameen c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletred: 30 :points: per person from: Memnalar c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletred: 75 :points: per person from: LMW-The-Poet c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletred: 50 :points: per person from: nightshade-keyblade c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletred: Full pencil drawing (up to three characters) from: wcqaguxa

:iconh01plz::iconh02plz::iconh03plz::iconh04plz:
:bulletblue: Llamas from: MagicalJoey ; Diluculi ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; brodskales ; TheGalleryOfEve ; vespera ; Candyfied ; Operia ; EstefaniaJaquier ; frostykittyzem ; ShackledMuse
:bulletblue: Features from: MagicalJoey ; Understood-Accepted ; My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink ; Diluculi ; Medoriko ; TheWritersMeow ; Amarantheans ; InklingsOfOblivion ; Poetic-State-Of-Mind ; HugQueen ; TheGalleryOfEve ; DynamiteHearts ; Candyfied ; EstefaniaJaquier ; saiun ; Dr-Vergissmeinnicht ; KnightsOfRomance ; ShackledMuse
:bulletblue: 5 :points: per person from: Diluculi ; MagicalJoey ;
:bulletblue: 20 :points: per person from: BeccaJS c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblue: A 50x50 icon from: Amarantheans
:bulletblue: 50 :points: per person from: shehrozeameen c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblue: 20 :points: per person from: Memnalar c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblue: 25 :points: per person from: LMW-The-Poet c/o MagicalJoey
:bulletblue: 25 :points: per person from: nightshade-keyblade c/o MagicalJoey

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Signups and Pairings


InklingsOfOblivion (literature) and Convenient-Alias (artist)
PennedinWhite (literature) and XXDEADFISHLAUGHXX (artist)
nattycakes99 (literature) and DanielleMWilliams (artist)
C1nderellaMan (literature) and BlackDawnGaming (artist)
VeiledIridescence (literature) and 8bitgamer-ben (artist)
Amarantheans (literature) and CallMeFarGone (artist)
dragoeniex (literature) and cronasonlyfriend (artist)
GoldenBlight (literature) and blanappleblurp (artist)
DalekCaanII (literature) and EstefaniaJaquier (artist)
SakuraForest (literature) and frostykittyzem (artist)
betwixtthepages (literature) and DeeryDeerth (artist)
lulu-illussions (literature) and SabesBabe (artist)
Saphire32 (literature) and wcqaguxa (artist)
GoodConnie (literature) and kei-D (artist)
Amazingirl360 (literature) and Diluculi (artist)
SilverTimberWolf (literature) and angelcosmo (artist)
Si-Aidra (literature) and SakuraForest (artist)

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki

Questions


Don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions. One of the admins will answer you (they don't bite).

Dolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiPenguins ~ Divider by OtomeNishikiDolphins ~ Divider by OtomeNishiki


Resources
:bulletred: Dolphins ~ Divider and Penguins ~ Divder by OtomeNishiki
:bulletorange: happy by roarysea
:bulletyellow: Excited Cactus by funymony
:bulletgreen: Sad by NecktiePom


More Journal Entries

Letters To...

Name of Image


From: MagicalJoey

Dear Self-Destructive Ego-State

Though I talk to the “Higher Being” a lot about you I don’t talk to you, and that is purposeful; the less I mention you the more chance I have of forgetting your horrid existence. Even in prayers or desperate cries I only refer to you as ‘it’. “God what is the purpose of having ‘IT’”, “God what should I learn from ‘IT’”. IT. IT. IT, I never mention your name because I am afraid of your power.

I don’t need to mention your name when explaining our relationship to people. In that instance all I need to say is ‘this’ and show my arms where you kissed me sweetly oh so long ago. They look, some not seeing until I reiterate ‘this’ and point to a specific seduction, and nod in recognition of you. But they don’t know me. They don’t know the relationship we had, how I still miss you terribly and how I wish for just one more kiss – even if it is the accidental kiss of death. Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking you to murder me, I just acknowledge that there is a possibility – which is why I had to abandon you three years ago.

I met you during an extra-ordinary internal emotional dance. I was 14 and a wallflower drowned out by emotion erupting internally and scorching my heart and soul. I could not open my mouth to speak my pain and you saw that. You swept in like a dashing prince, cloak billowing behind him. I was blinded by that charm that promised peace, that offered me a voice. I accepted your open hand and we were married forthwith, no ceremony except the line of light cute upon my foot. We were officially together, forever, and I definitely never mentioned your name, even though you were my reality. I never looked beyond your kiss to the possibility of consequences, of addiction, of such utter hopelessness that I would be begging you, my saviour, to be my salvation in death. And I still could not utter your name.

I speak now to Depression, a companion for as long as I can remember. You’ve been with me, enhancing my mood with your tentacles of darkness. Whenever I tried making friends you would encircle me in a fall of feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, pathetic-ness, and, so, with my self-esteem so low it wasn’t even the size of a grain of sand, I would stand there, embarrasses, until I was the one to turn and run in fear with you following behind in utter glee, cackling like the witch of mirth. You encircled me with that wall from my earliest peer experience and eventually I gave up trying to befriend anyone other than you, but you could not be tamed as a friend. You could never be trusted – especially when you put up your own walls against yourself. You became a darkly mysterious companion, aloof yet exceptionally jealous.

You placed your hands over my eyes and I had to look through your splayed fingers at the world. Everything was jaded, tainted, and I did not know because that was what I was used to. I saw the world as a dark, scary, lonely, unhappy place from where you anointed me at birth until I realised that others did not share this view. You have been my longest companion, you you are still unpredictable and easily excited.

I refused to acknowledge your existence until I was about twenty, but by then both you and your dashing brother-in-arms ‘Self Harm’ had me firmly caught. My self-esteem was so low that I needed both of you to survive – rather survive in solitude than die alone.

Do you have any idea what you stole from me? The friends I could have had? The life I could have lived? Brave instead of always scared. Never surrounded by people yet alone, but surrounded by people and having fun. I could have had friends at school – people to talk to instead of the imaginary people from books. I could have been invited to birthdays instead of hearing about them afterwards. I was so good at keeping you a secret to myself I could have kept a friend’s secret easily, but you gave me no chance. You chained me to one spot while the other children danced and moved around me. You rendered me powerless. Unable to join them, unable to look away, always longing and yearning for a friend.

And if you did let me have one, you had made sure that, by causing my emotions to not mature at the same rate as my mind, I would do some emotionally childish thing and they would leave. I went for 19 YEARS without a friend who could stick by my side despite you FFS. I am now 26 – that is more than half my life utterly alone and dependant on you. And now I am so freaking scared of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing that I sabotage the whole thing. Because of you I am so terrorfied of losing friends that I am perpetually on the outside loking at a group of people wondering ‘what if’. I can at least own up to you by name now. You are Depression. I have you as an illness. Though you still have so much control. At the moment you own me. However, no matter how many layers of Hell I have to go through, I will own you before I die naturally. You’re like a giant squid with inky tentacles everywhere in my life. You’ve had me for 26 years ffs can’t you let me go now? Oh I am working on prying you loose; medication is in my system, I have identified that you like to isolate me, I know how to change one of your thoughts into a positive. I just have to work on identifying those damn thoughts. But you can be controlled and one day I will be the one in control and not you. One. Damn. Day.

I refer back to Self-Harm, Depression’s dashing friend. From the first time I saw you at 14 you became the voice of my emotions. The voice of those things I could never utter – what depression hid behind my smile. The smile started to work via clockwork – I needed you to wind it yo or else it would fail. And so I relied on you more and more. Scars on feet let to scars on shoulders and then arms. Four times you kissed too deeply and I needed stitches. I began to realise the danger of letting you near me. I was sent for help, for your friend Depression, and would not admit that I had a problem. You laughed and kicked back for a long luxurious stay. But I foiled your plans by admitting to Depression and seeking help – from someone who then knew about you. And still I never spoke your name, I just had to show old would, or a new one with the caption, “I did ‘IT’ again”. If I say who you are it makes you real.

I’ve already triggered my brain so there is no reason to stop now. Graphics warning.

I loved the way you accepted me. You were always there – a lover and a friend. I would watch your kisses open my skin and as the thin dots of blood beaded all my pain would leave. I could breathe again. The pressure beating inside was gone. My body had spoken what I could not. And as you kissed over and over again I would finally feel the pain I deserved, the pain I needed, the pain even Depression with its numbing balm refused to let me feel. Your kisses brought a smile to my face. The pain healed my heart. The blood was like dancing with life itself. And then you became dangerous.

A couple of small kisses no longer brought that painful release from pain, and I began wanting you when I was in a decent internal shape. I no longer just wanted the healing pain; I just wanted pain.

That’s when the stitches began, officially, as you had to dive deeper for the same pain as before. After trying to use your dashing face in place of the reaper’s, I put you down. Locked you away and have fought to keep you locked away ever since. I still do not speak your name.

If I speak your name it makes you real. It means that the dashing man turns into a devil. It makes you a hinder, not a help. It makes our relationship a lie. A scam. A con.

You have been my closest and dearest friend since I was 14, and the last three years, as I abandoned you, you have desperately tried to cling on, digging your claws deep into memories of the sweet, affectionate kisses. My mind can’t let go of the darker kisses and so I reject you, painful as it is. Let me now speak truthfully of you – your name as it means to me. I am a cutter. I am a burner. I do not suffer from ‘IT’, I suffer from Self-Harm. I hurt myself on purpose. I cut. I burn.

I’ve said it and made you real. Now piss off and let me live.

Me.

P.S. Stop your tricky little mind games. Every time my self-esteem tales a snail-step of courage forward you, Depression, are there with your mocking laugh and pointing fingers. You give me wishes that are toxic and thoughts that are negative. Then Self-Harm swoops in to save the day with all the answers. Seriously, piss off. Get your own life. Get a room.

Piss off out of my head.


Though-Prayer-Wish

Name of Image

:bulletpurple: MagicalJoey
- Health problems (tooth issues)
- Financial issues (severe)

:bulletpurple: qwibes
- Dealing with some setbacks

:bulletpurple: DarlingAngel0565
- Health and sanity issues

:bulletpurple: 8TeamFriends8
- Severe financial issues

Deviants

Affiliates

:iconliterature-world: Literature-World All Writers Welcome! :iconamateurartistarmy: AmateurArtistArmy Beginner/AmateurArtist :iconpoetry-on-the-mind: Poetry-on-the-mind :iconourdreamswillcome: OurDreamsWillCome Where everyone is welcome! :iconart-for-the-strong: Art-For-The-Strong For every artist out there! :iconsuicide-writers: Suicide-Writers "Living For Other Lives" :iconspreading-awareness: Spreading-Awareness Because the world needs to know. :iconburdenedhearts: BurdenedHearts Uniting, Supporting, Surviving :iconactuallypsychotic: ActuallyPsychotic :iconsuicidesupport: Suicidesupport We are here to serve you.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconcallmefargone:
CallMeFarGone Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2015  Professional General Artist
I don't know if I need to submit my artwork also to the Feelings Contest 2015, since my sister linked ours together on hers. Let me "note" and I will remove it from submissions if that's the case.
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2015   Writer
Both need to be submitted, as not all people will link it on theirs and the judges need to judge each entry separately as well as together. :)
Reply
:iconcallmefargone:
CallMeFarGone Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2015  Professional General Artist
Thank you for prompt reply. Can't wait to see more entries and for judging to start!
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2015   Writer
Me too! It's exciting!
Reply
:iconblackdawngaming:
BlackDawnGaming Featured By Owner May 7, 2015
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUSnmN…

this really helped me trough really tough times in my life...may it help others too
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner May 13, 2015   Writer
I have added it to our list :)
Thank you for suggesting it.
Reply
:iconblackdawngaming:
BlackDawnGaming Featured By Owner May 13, 2015
Thank you for the reply
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner May 13, 2015   Writer
np :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconnordictwin:
NordicTwin Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the request :hug: Your group is amazing! :D
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014   Writer
No problem.
Reply
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